Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
