similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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