she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
