I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
