best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
