sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
