It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
