Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
