I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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