my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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