I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this just has baby written all over it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
