I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
