he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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