just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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