matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
