Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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