wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize