remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
