apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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