I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
