About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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