Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
