every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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