I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
