There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
