Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
