I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
