I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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