Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
