In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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