Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
