I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
