I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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