in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
