why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
