i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
