SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
