I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize