you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
