Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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