I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
