One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
