So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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