Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize