I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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