why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
