Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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