while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
