YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
