I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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