Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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