So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
