maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
