"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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