yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
