Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
