I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
