This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
