you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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