We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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