Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
