I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
