I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
