she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize